While you were sleeping
I stared into the darkness
and wondered how I ended up with you so close to me
Resting in your arms is the only thing that comforts and shields me from this night
so please please stay and show me what its like to be in love
I'd do anything at all to catch your smile again
Your the only thing that...

-"Ergo Propter",
Daphne Loves Derby

I love this song. I wish it weren't just a demo. I want it to be longer.

I feel so blergh now. So let down and I don't know why.
:'(

sigh.

I so fucking love Muse. They make me wanna cry.
I was listening to them this afternoon and I felt like giving up everything.
Cause, well, in the end everyone ends up in the same place, right?
We all die don't we?
No matter how good you are, how much you've achieved, no matter how much money you've got, it all doesn't matter, everyone dies, and rots, and becomes part of the earth again.
And if you study your ass off, make it big, who knows? Maybe it was all planned out already.
Also, if you flunk out, live on the street and live hand to mouth every day, maybe it was meant to be too.
So who knows?
Give
Up
Now!

Ok maybe that was a bit extreme. haha.
To me, that's what makes something good, be it music, a book, a piece of art etc.
It needs to make me feel something. Anger, depression, happiness, whatever.

I can feeeeeeeeellllll!! Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllll!!

Hello hello. Nothing really significant has happened in my life since I last updated. Since Viv is complaining that I haven't updated for ages, HELLO VIVIEN SIM!! :D
haha.
I felt so pleased with myself during math tuition today. I managed to solve a shit irritating simultaneous equation. hehe whee. After 25 minutes, and two pieces of foolscap paper.
But we all know that if that ever appeared in an exam, I'd skip it five times over.

Urrgh I feel like life has gone stagnant.

I'm so bored.
I am "math-ed out"
I hate everything!

Why couldn't I be a rich, pretty socialite in LA who doesn't have to study and who has loads of cash to burn I wouldn't get bored then I assure you!

or

Why couldn't I be a racecar driver?
(Racecar spells racecar backwards!)

or

Why couldn't I be a music prodigy? Or a famous rockstar, or an olympian, or a Mafia boss, or a hired killer, or a mountain climber, or a skateboarding pro, or a jockey.

Instead, I'm just plain, bored old ordinary meeeeee.

blergh boredom's talking again. More interesting than me though.

I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored and there's no one to talk to. ):

i have an orange pair of Jack Purcells! hahah coolieoolies!
:D:D:D



Ok there you go that was the best part of my day.

I want this! haha. The bikini, not the model (haha duhhhhhhhh)
And I need the tan, too!
And the to-die-for body.

hahaha

What to do on the last day of school:

1. Cut all classes.
2. Sit in a dark-ish classroom.
3. Sleep, take random photos (here and here<-Su's), text people, talk on the phone.
4. Walk around outside when it gets too boring.
5. Adhere to the rule! "Back gate opens, sec. 4's out!"
6. Leave the premises early.


*This sums up 4 years of secondary school.

Don't look back, there's no looking back now.


I ate a lot of chocolate today cause it made me feel a bit happier. Not so empty, hollow and weird inside. But it's only temporary ): I feel so weird.

By the way, "a lot" is two words, if you people haven't realised. Wake up!

I feel snappy and irritable, and I'm sorry it affects people. Not that many people know.
ARGH I'm just so annoyed, ticked off. I'm such a bitch but right now, I really don't give two fucks. So there.

42 fucking people online and no one worth talking to.

Nothing's what you think it is, sometimes.
Viv don't be sad, you've got to move on right? We're here for you! Me, Mun and Su. (: Cheer up.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it within me?

Viv and I walked out of school today!
Second last day, so who damn cares!
We should do something drastic tomorrow, it being the last day and all.
Like.. MASS WALK OUT!
Imagine all the sec 4s marching out of school early! Ha like some goody-two-shoes people will grrff.

Oh well. Last day last day last day!!

And maybe, just maybe, we could walk out early again?

Oh, and as a parting shot.

Leow you are the ugliest sonofabitch I've ever seen, and you fuck pigs and your mother should've cut out her womb so you wouldn't have been born! Tell your parents I'm sorry the condom broke. HAHAHAH fuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Today was Vivday! heh. Went to IKEA with Viv this morning, had lunch there, then we went wandering around the store ( I had to get 4 glasses for my mum) and I got this really cuteee clock haha.

It's really really adorable! haha spastic. It ticks loudly in my room, so my room's not absolutely silent anymore. I kinda like the ticking noise it makes, it reminds me of a heartbeat. heh. Weird, I know.

After that, two and a half hours later, Viv came over for dinner! Haha so really, Viv day. And I'll be seeing her tomorrow morning for tuition!

Shit that reminds me, I need to go do some math. Aaaarghgrragh!

I don't like writing in people's autograph books, cause it means saying goodbye, and I don't like that.

I had a wonderful Shaunday today! Even though it wasn't Sunday. hehe :D:D:D:DD:D

Three more days of school left.. After that, no more, abso zilch!

omg. It seems so soon. What the hell am I saying, it IS so very soon.

I'm excited, happy, overjoyed, no more stupid school!
But I'm a bit apprehensive as well. After this, a whooole big part of my life will change. And I don't know what the outcome will be.
And I've thought about it, and I've decided that I don't like how that sounds.

It's a lose-lose situation. Or I could be optimistic and say it's a win-win situation cause there're so many new, different, interesting, wonderful possibilities and opportunities out there waiting for me.

So which one?

Ok I had a very retarded time in school today, taking spazz pictures!

Follow the "nic's pics" link above my emokid picture.

Don't be a gongDong!! HAHAHAHA *winkwinknudgenudgedong!!*

heh. Ok I'll be nice and link you here!

Some idiot wrote "Leow Sux" on this whiteboard in the art room today. Upon seeing it, Leow threw a hissy fit and screeched that all sec four and five art students go straight back to the art room. He called in Tan HH and Kok too, then while Tan HH was asking us what happened, Leow petulantly stomped out of the art room.

How childish, both Leow, and the person who wrote it. I mean, I completely agree with it - granted I would've spelt "sux" properly, but still, never a truer statement has been made. And while I applaud the rebel who wanted to air her opinion so freely, that asshole should've owned up too! She made us get held back for 45 minutes fuckkkkk.

And we still don't know who wrote it. In for a penny, in for a pound. If you decide to do something you should take responsibility! Stupid girl. Stupid teacher. Stupid stupid stupid.

<- Stupid!! ->

Vivien sleeps with her eyes open!!

Yes I wanted to put this down but I completely forgot til I read Mun's blog. It's so freaky! lol.

Anyway, I made up a techno song! It popped into my head during biology on Friday. it goes like:
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics
mathmathmathematicsmathmathmathematics

and you repeat as desired. Hahahaha. Apparently Mun thinks it's really irritating but somewhat amusing at the same time.
And I'm not going through the "lian phase"! (Mun thinks I am) The one-to-ten ah lian poses just amuse me like crazy. Haha SOOOO out of character for me.
Sitting in that dim, grey-lit stale air-conditioned hall with uber boring lessons is making me get weird. I laugh for no reason and act really strangely. heh. More so than normal muahahaha.

Sigh. I haven't seen Shaun for 4 days! It must be some kind of record. heh I sound a bit pathetic here. Mun will symphathise with me! lol.
IT STOPS TOMORROW! Muahahahaha.
Shaunday! :D:D:D

Huh I just read Dong's blog and I found my name at the top of the "people that I love to see doing this" list! So, it's like, the Unlucky Seven list!

7 things that scare me:
1. kids (those freaky little ones)
2. English oral exams (stupid, I know!)
3. losing my voice
4. meeting people who are really pretty
5. ditto for superhott people
6. not being able to be retarded with like-minded people
7. going blind

7 things that i love the most:
1. Shaun :D (haha he's not a 'thing' though)
2. Kaiya!! heh
3. well I should say my family right?
4. my phone
5. my guitars
6. my contact lenses (heh.)
7. subway sandwiches! lol

7 important things in my room:
1. my bed
2. the chargers for my phone and camera
3. my guitars
4. clothes!
5. CDs
6. CD player
7. myself

7 random facts about me:
1. I'm a certified lifeguard
2. I get jealous easily but may not show it
3. my dream job (for now) will be to work at a stable! no matter what the pay or hours are
4. I helped my friend write a chinese word for her test when I was studying in Melbourne
5. I like to doodle morbid weird things
6. I love dark chocolate
7. I hate humidity, but sun's nice.

7 things i plan to do when i die:
1. visit loved ones
2. cry
3. haunt people
4. give my friends 4D numbers (haha)
5. say hi to my aunt
6. hang around in my room
7. invade the dreams of hot guys (LOL)

7 things i can do:
1. everything
2. that
3. you
4. can
5. do,
6.. but
7. better! :P

7 things i cant do YET:
1. drink (legally)
2. drive
3. surivie financially on my own
4. get married
5. stick my feet in a big bucket of jelly
6. stay out all night
7. live on a beautiful beach

7 words i say the most:
1. cool
2. fuck
3. whatever
4. really?!
5. hungry
6. bored
7. hot!

7 celeb crushes:
1. Damian Kulash is cute! LOL Ok Go Ok Go Ok Go! :)
2. Johnny Borrell
3. the young Jimmy Page! (haha)
4. Johnny Depp?
5. ok Dong I'll say Seb Bach
6. cute emo kids haha
7. I really don't know!?

7 people that i love to see doing this:
1. Shaun (haha well..)
2. Viv
3. Mun
4. Su
5. (I'd say Dong but he already did it, huh!)
6. that old man on the train today
7. Bob!!

hahaha.

I'm feeling so subdued lately. Yes, I still sound happy and normal, but it takes effort. Sometimes I just don't want to talk, but then I feel bad.

This from Mun's blog:
" nic lent this girl her boardshorts during the beginning of the year. and the girl lost nic's shorts in school. AND TODAY! THE MALE CLEANER IN OUR SCHOOL WAS USING THE SHORTS!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
that sorta made my day! :D "

I'm glad it sort of made your day Mun!

That fucking perv. cleaner and my fucking boardshorts.
argh!

The last two days have been some depressive haze. I hope it passes. I know (no?) that it'll be over by the time the week ends, hopefully. Very hopefully.

I know I sound uber emo, super duper depressed but I'm ok. It's just these weird sadspasms that catch me. Haha thanks Dong, don't get worried! :D
(Do I scare people?!)

I just read some of Adel's livejournal. MUNIRAH! You better not get fucked up and all, Adel loves you so much! It's so obvious.

Reading Adel's blog makes me missssssss you. Or maybe it's just some weird, fucked up feeling, maybe that's all.

I just had a crash course in Muslim rules during Ramadan! (spelling) haha courtesy of Mun.

I hate it when people I haven't spoken to on msn for a long time suddenly start talking to me again. All the bad english, the cliched, age-old questions, so stale! ("How's school? You'll miss it when you leave." Uh, no! If I ever do I'll kill myself.)
And it pisses me off. (I'm a snob, I know, especially about the English part)

Why does Cassandra keep calling me! I mean, like plaguing my life in school is not bad enough! I'll listen, but I have my limits and she's teetering right on the line! And every time she calls my name (ni-COL-LA), mauling it left and right, killing my name, I want to cover my ears and slap her, but of course, I can't do both at the same time so I settle for cringing inside and getting pissed off.

This post is quite random. I kinda realised that I've run out of things to say. I'm just posting for the sake of it. I should shut up.

I feel really alone for large stretches of time and it sucks, it really does. It makes me want to cry, it has made me cry.

replacing old dreams with flattery from new loves.
a hurricane self help into this evacuation from this.
you never meant to, you never meant to.
call me. call me. i'll answer.

Straylight Run just makes me emote at the moment. My emo-inducing band of the moment. I prefer quiet emo and when I hear some of Straylight Run's songs, I just want to cry.

People shouldn't become too dependant on others. It's dumb, cause when you depend on others to, say, make you happy, sometimes, just sometimes, people let you down.
Then you end up needy, whiney, clingy and you cry for stupid, insignificant, irrational reasons.
And you hate yourself for being stupid, bratty, helpless and hurtful.

I went to a gig at Third Place yesterday. Saw Vendetta, Spanish Fly and Crossbred play. They were good! And I saw Dong, Dong, you look exactly like how you look like in your photos, easy to recognise you! lol.

Go watch Crossbred and Spanish Fly whenever you can!

Crossbred makes me want to throw my guitar away and cry! haha I'll never be that good! fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
heh.

And yesterday afternoon, I met BOB! (domdomdom) heh. HAHA well he *is* a rectangle, Viv! Lol. But quite ok. Quite cute. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU VIVIEN!! :D:D:D
Mun and I are like proud mothers.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww